A Bug's Life

In a seminar today, mention was made of how Nintendo is trying to expand its customer base by selling its Wii console to women. "And they'll have to do less hack-and-slash and make more games for females," they said.

But someone could make a wonderful hack-and-slash game for women, and call it PMT.

Pick an avatar to begin with:
* Lilette, smiling and cheerful in her tight white shorts, will take you into a wonderful outdoors sports arena, where you can play action games like roller skating and sky-diving.
* The Woman In Red With The Axe is the one to pick for Maximum Carnage. Take her through the high street, car park, supermarket and workplace wreaking hot axial death on whoever Pisses You Off. Smash open enough things and you might find the flamethrower that, instead of napalm, shoots jets of pure vitriol. Cackle as the acid hits your victim and dissolves the flesh from their bones!
* Clothilde, in a comfy baggy jumper (Cadbury purple) and brown leggings, is your avatar for a platform game where you search through cupboards and other places to find as much chocolate as you can. Keep an eye out for sections of duvet, and premium items like a hot water bottle. The end of level challenge is to climb onto a huge, comfy sofa with your fully assembled duvet. There is a remote control on the sofa - enter the secret code (from the letters printed inside the chocolate bar wrappers) to make a huge television rise out of the floor, and start showing It's a Wonderful Life or Pirates of the Carribean or something. And maybe a bar of chocolate will emerge from a special slot in the console...