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bugshaw at 09:50am on 06/09/2007
bugshaw at 09:50am on 06/09/2007Almost invariably, I dream about people I know. (Or oddly-coloured hamsters, or trying to catch a train.) Yesterday it was all about Spike and Angel. I have been spending a lot more time in the last week watching a borrowed Angel DVD set than I have interacting with Actual Humans, which probably has a lot to do with it. I like my humans!
Also, for the first time in ages I dreamt I could not walk. I was straight back in the wheelchair, couldn't get out of it, everything was a struggle. Then I woke up and found my duvet cover wrapped around my legs, pinning them into immobility :-)
I feel odd about the wheelchair. When I can't walk all the way to London, I take a train; when I can't walk 200 yards, I use a wheelchair. It's a mobility aid - it helps me travel distances I could not normally manage. For the last 3-4 years I have only needed a wheelchair for a couple of days in the year. In fact I got rid of it two years ago so now when I need it I just have to put up with not moving for a day or so, which is livable with.
My point is, that when I was a regular wheelchair user, I felt good about it - it was enabling, it let me go places and do things that I couldn't otherwise. A friend I had known for years, on first seeing me in a wheelchair: "I don't know how to talk to you when you're in that." I shift myself into a nearby 'ordinary' chair: "How about now? It's still just me." But it feels dreadful to go back into one. I know it shouldn't, so I am shocked at myself for the visceral reaction I have. I would benefit, I think, from unpacking this further.
But now I have to start packing again for the house move :-)
Also, for the first time in ages I dreamt I could not walk. I was straight back in the wheelchair, couldn't get out of it, everything was a struggle. Then I woke up and found my duvet cover wrapped around my legs, pinning them into immobility :-)
I feel odd about the wheelchair. When I can't walk all the way to London, I take a train; when I can't walk 200 yards, I use a wheelchair. It's a mobility aid - it helps me travel distances I could not normally manage. For the last 3-4 years I have only needed a wheelchair for a couple of days in the year. In fact I got rid of it two years ago so now when I need it I just have to put up with not moving for a day or so, which is livable with.
My point is, that when I was a regular wheelchair user, I felt good about it - it was enabling, it let me go places and do things that I couldn't otherwise. A friend I had known for years, on first seeing me in a wheelchair: "I don't know how to talk to you when you're in that." I shift myself into a nearby 'ordinary' chair: "How about now? It's still just me." But it feels dreadful to go back into one. I know it shouldn't, so I am shocked at myself for the visceral reaction I have. I would benefit, I think, from unpacking this further.
But now I have to start packing again for the house move :-)
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