Java
Does anyone else get confused about Java/J2SE/JDK/JRE, how they differ, and what bits are needed for what, or is it just me? I'm not finding it at all obvious, a lot of the information I've found (including at java.sun.com) assumes you know which bit you want and are geared towards helping you find the download efficiently. I'm piecing it together. So much of my programming in the last ten years has been on paper rather than in any sort of development environment, I'm not finding it intuitive.
EDIT: I'm not saying "give me links please"; I'm trying to find them for myself :-)
And I have found links! Five of them, with partial information, that I can piece together. It's all a bit 1984, as the pages are mostly undated, and claim "We don't do it like that any more, we do it like this!" which gets confusing when they change something, change it halfway, or change it back in the face of popular demand.
EDIT: I'm not saying "give me links please"; I'm trying to find them for myself :-)
And I have found links! Five of them, with partial information, that I can piece together. It's all a bit 1984, as the pages are mostly undated, and claim "We don't do it like that any more, we do it like this!" which gets confusing when they change something, change it halfway, or change it back in the face of popular demand.

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I cannot escape the Java Programming module, unless I take to teaching myself C++ in my spare time by the end of the week. I've sat through loads of lectures, and can witter about inheritance and polymorphism and abstract classes until people hit me with rolled up newspapers, but I've never actually written and compiled and run a Java program.
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Not to mention that it's perfectly possible to write C++ in multiple modes. It's quite possible to use polymorphism in C++ without any use of inheritance, let alone abstract classes.
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I think you want a J2SE JDK.
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Later on I might draw a diagram :-)
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And again now, as I'm trying to do an online course which relies on Java to power parts of itself - except it looks like it requires 1.5 rather than 1.6 (aka SE 5 rather than SE 6). [sigh]
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If you get it together write it up
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All distributions of Java are either a JRE or a JDK.
a JRE is what you need to *run* java. A JDK is what you develop with, but also includes a runtime environment too. Sometimes the JRE is included as a web browser plugin.
You will always want a JDK since you sometimes do development.
Now, the particular flavour of JDK depends on what software you want to run. There is a small Java for use on mobile phones and such like - called J2ME (I think).
The "Standard" Java is called J2SE (remember the 'S' for standard.) This is probably what you want.
Now Sun realised that there were loads and loads of things they wanted to include *with* Java which werent that standard. They bundled them up and called them "Enterprise Edition" (aka J2EE). This includes java servlets (for websites) and most importantly this bollox technology for distributed computing called "Enterprise Java Beans" or EJB. Some people use "EJB" and J2EE interchangeably, but they are ignorant.
So if I dont mind the extra download time and disk space then I usually go for a J2EE distribution myself.
NOW the Java language itself went through a few releases. Version 1.1 is (I think) the only version you are supposed to expect for applets, but unless you have a reason not to then you should jump in straight for Java 1.5 or 1.6
I would also recommend downloading and using the Eclipse IDE ;-)
Goodluck!
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I was so happy when I saw that work for the first time :-)