Documenting it [A Bug's Life]

"Are you sure you'll be okay walking home?" asks

anef, as I leave Red Wine Evening after midnight.
"If I don't make it, you'll read about it in the Cambridge Evening News!" I quip; she replies
"And if you do make it, I'll read about it in LiveJournal no doubt!"

By 00:20 I was walking up Rustat Road. I noticed two tall young men on a side road, pushing bicycles and talking a bit rowdily. They turned on to Rustat Road, about 10 metres behind me. I started to hear what they were saying: it was things like "I'm going to fist your cunt," and "I'm gaining on you" accompanied by little running noises. These comments were addressed to me, and did not let up. My gut feeling of the situation was that they were not going to assault me despite their words, but they were of a size and fitness which made them perfectly capable of overpowering me quickly if they wished. I could not think of anything, any killer argument or withering remark, which would get them to stop their intimidating comments; if I did say anything it would probably provoke or invite further interaction. So I ignored them. I ignored them while they drew up to me; I ignored them as they drew alongside me, matched my pace, and exaggeratedly imitated my gait; I ignored them while they spoke to me, at me, to each other about me; I just walked along, in my normal way. Their words (but not their tone) became very polite as we approached the cycle bridge and other people and it became clear that our paths were diverging. "It was nice to meet you," "Those are nice glasses," and "We will see you again soon."

I was left with the aftereffects of an adrenalin rush (despite staying calm, despite being sure they were not going to even touch me), feeling powerless. I can't win their game, I can't even play their game. I'm just a piece in their game. Anything I do (talk or run or cry or unconvincingly ignore), they'll take as evidence that they've won. All I can do is keep on walking, today and tomorrow and the day after, and not be afraid.

They were just behaving menacingly for fun, for no more than a couple of minutes. Worse things happen, and will have done to many people this night. But incidents and encounters like these keep on happening, and should not. This is what my night was like.

And it kept eating at me, and I shook, and was disappointed with myself for shaking, for the rest of the way home. Coldham's Common at midnight was a walk in the park compared to that. And now I'm home, and I'm alright. I hope you all are too.

EDIT 08:43: Aw, you guys :-) I'm much better this morning and off to Peterborough to see

hawkida so can't reply to comments for a bit. And

major_clanger phoned and let me decompress at him for a bit. But there is more To Be Said (about these things in general, not this specific incident).

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I used to think that slogans like "reclaim the night" were excessive. Then things like this happen to my friends. Then I realised I was wrong. Some people should be put down.

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I just don't get the mentality required to find doing something like that to another human being "fun". It just doesn't compute. I'm sorry you had to endure that--it really sucks. I was similarly hassled by a couple of guys in Seattle after leaving a dim sum place in the International District. It makes me want mace.

That misses the point .While their little game lasts you aren't another human being . Your one of THEM.

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When I read about this kind of behaviour it almost makes me ashamed to be male. So sorry you had to go through this, but very glad you're OK.

What he said :(

Maybe "human" would be better than "male" -- teen-age girls have been known to play similar head-games with ...err... senior citizens. (Okay, "...with at least one old man", and I didn't have the feeling of any possibity of physical violence, but....)

I hope you're feeling a bit better this morning.

Ah, that's horrible. I agree with everything that's been said already, including not understanding the bastards and being ashamed to be male.

That's awful. I hope it stops eating at you soon.

I would report them to the police. Not that it's going to be any practical use, but this might be the first step of an escalation, and it might come useful for other people later on. Do I watch too much Criminal Minds? I guess so. :-)
But it also would make you feel less powerless.

Yes, report it. There are, I beleive, CCTV cameras on the pedestrian bridge. So they may well have been cught on camera (not that I'm normally a fan of such things).

Horrible thing to happen to you :-(

Oh Bridget - how frightening. Please don't be disappointed with yourself - I think any of us would have been in pieces after that.

I hope you feel better this morning;.

Re: comments about being ashamed to be male. Don't be. It makes it more likely that a gang of the little gets WOULD actually hit you rather than intimidate you and upset you.

There is a chance that as they are young they may well one day get older (although I'm a great believer in the power of natural selection), get married or get a girlfriend, or have a daughter, and have this happen to "their" bird and burn with shame. It is a long shot, I admit.

I won't walk anywhere around here after the pub has shut and I used to happily walk for 20 minutes to get home from a friends house at 1 a.m. I'm never sure if it's that I'm older or things have actually got worse and there's more chance of this sort of thing happening or if I just got fed up of having to put up with the few times it did. It's a horrible thing.

How awful. :(

As I said when I called, I am angry and frustrated that this happens, although I'm relieved that you're not letting this intimidate you. But I feel so impotent - what can I do? It's useless to say "I wish I'd been there" as of course if I had the little shits wouldn't have behaved like that, but you shouldn't need a 6'2" male escort to walk through the streets of what's meant to be one of our nicer cities.

[[Hugs]]

That's really awful, but it sounds like you handled things very well.

I'd be inclined to inform the police about this. If it's a one off then it'll just sit in the files, but if this part of a pattern, and these gits are doing this regularly, then it could be useful. My guess is that this would count as threatening behaviour which is a criminal offense, though with few witnesses it would be difficult to bring to court. This is probably why they stopped being unpleasant at the bridge.

It is actually common-law assault, which has been held by the courts (R v Ireland) to include language threatening immediate physical harm. Not often prosecuted as such but it has been used to deal with those who think that you actually have to hit someone to get into trouble.

Yes, call the police. And if something like this ever happens again, call 999 once they are safely distant from you. As Cambridge police said to Tony when he was attacked, alerted soon enough, the CCTV people might be able to spot them. And they seem to take sexual offenses and potential sexual assault very seriously - remember the flurry over the recent flasher on my way to work.

As for being shaky, I can't imagine a more natural reaction, or that anyone else wouldn't feel so in similar circumstances.

That's dreadful, and I do think this behaviour, terrifying people just for fun, seems to be more common than it used to be. (I understand that this might just be me getting old). I would recommend reporting it, which would be a major pain; but there may be a pattern to the attacks. If these lads are doing it every night, or perhaps several times a night, others will be reporting it.

I suspect I wouldn't report it myslf but A is right, you should - if only because it might lead to actual people policing at night etc more -- one of the problems of the (cheap) CCTV culture is it gives the impression to policing budgets of protection, when in fact drunk people simply don't register CCTV the way they do actual bobbies. This is one of the many reasons street intimidation (though not actually violent crime, which is declining) seems more common nowadays.

Sigh. I have just watched a report that only one in 20 rape prosecutions results in a conviction. i wish I knew how to do something.

More personally when I was mugged in London I did take a self defense class - not of the ju jitsu type , more of "make a lot of noise, run fast and don't aim for the groin, it's too low for your centre of balance." It did somehow, indefinably, make me feel better about things.

That's not good. I do wish people like that could see what it feels like on the other end of such obnoxious behaviour. *hug*

You did the right thing. They were jerks. Presumably when they were younger they pulled the wings off flies or whatever.

Oh I'm SO fucking angry. And you are very brave and I'm glad you are feeling better this morning. Do consider reporting it.

How do we make this kinda shit stop. Why shouldn't women be able to walk home without risking abuse.

*HUGS*

*hugs* You handled the incident very very well.

Not many things induce an impulse to physical violence in me, but this kind of tormenting (bullying) does. I want to swat them.

I'm so sorry -- and angry -- this happened to you. I think you coped with it a lot better than I did back in Lewisham.

You couldn't think of anything to make them stop because there isn't anything: part of that game is to respond to whatever the victim does. And sometimes the response can be worse than what they were doing before.

It may have just been a one-off on their part, but reporting it to the police might mean a patrol on the streets and a warning-off. If reporting it stops it happening to someone else it's worthwhile.

On the one hand I want to say 'don't let it stop you going out alone after dark': on the other hand I don't like to think of this happening again.

Hope Peterborough was good!

That is so awful - I am sorry! I do think you should report it to the police, as I assume these people make a habit of doing this sort of thing. That sort of nastiness will get its come-uppance sooner or later, but one hopes sooner. I think that sort of thing is less likely to happen if you cycle, so perhaps advance the bike purchase plan?

Not that it's any help at all, but in fact Michael came back two minutes after you left and he took the car and tried to catch up with you, but obviously didn't make it.

Please report them to the police. I dont expect there can be much that can be done but they do need to be told about this sort of thing

I've had it & I'm Male and (excepting a couple hundred pounds of flab) built like a brick shithouse. Its a lose -lose situation.

Yeah, well, in a world where you can't carry weapons, this is the price. You shouldn't be ashamed; that's a completely normal human reaction. It would have happened to me, too.

I hate this. That it still happens after all these years, that people still think it's a bit of meaningless fun. I don't know whether I'm turning into a fascist as I age, and getting more irate about The Youf Of Today, or whether it really is getting worse.

Plans for revenge circulate in my head on a regular basis.

Wankers. I think that's the only useful thing I can say for now.

Horrid, horrid. You handled it well, and agree you should report it, not because I think they will be easily caught, but as internal reassureance that there are powers for good around, and these people will not win. In this case, they generated no reaction from the victim, so you won, they lost the game.

Hugs

That's so horrible. You dealt with it exactly as you should, but it shouldn't have to happen. Ick.

I was just thinking this hasn't happened to me for a while, and as a matter of fact I don't think it's happened to me since I've been in Canada.

Hug.

I know *exactly* where you're coming from. I've had similar experiences, though not with such sexually explicit comments.

That was very scary. I am glad you made it through okay. I concur with the suggestions to call the police. Those thuggish young men said they would see you again. That's a threat. Please also ask the police if there is anything that can be done to help you when you discover you are being followed. Is there a number you can call on your mobile?

Horrible. I'm sorry you went through this.

Only just caught up with Livejournal...

Fucking wankers. I'm furious just reading about it; I'm so sorry something like this'd happen. That's just vile.

Hope you're feeling a bit better.

That's just appalling. Chiming in with the calls to report the incident; perhaps you should also carry something loud and deterrenty when walking at night, like one of those personal attack alarms?

*hugs*

(((((Hugs))))) I haven't been on LJ for a while, so just catching up with this. I'm sure by now you have reported it to the police, as well you should. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

Hope you're feeling OK about this, you handled it very well. It may be worth reporting it as it may be related to recent goings on in by gangs of yobs in Coleridge park that were recently reported in the Cambridge Weekly News. If you're ever in a similar situation and need somewhere to escape or calm down just give us a buzz.