A Bug's Life

I woke up this morning and found I look like a hamster.

I had dental surgery yesterday (an apicectomy to an upper right incisor), and now my cheek has swollen. It's barely perceptible to an outside viewer (when I look hard in the mirror I say dubiously "I suppose I can see a swelling..."), but it's enough to distort my facial outline in my peripheral vision. You know the "ghost nose" you have, that you hardly ever notice unless something happens to it? I now have a ghost hamster pouch just on one side, and it's very distracting. It looks so distended, as if it is protruding an inch further out from normal, that I am surprised the actual cheek shows so little change.


I had been having pain in the tooth for some months, and was glad to get a cancellation to see the periodentist (gum dentist). In the diagnostic appointment he found some infection at the root of the incisor (a dark area in the x-ray) and explained my options - I could have a simple extraction or an apicectomy, where the gum is cut through to access the root from the far end. My tooth was already crowned, and this was the only way to save it. He suggested that if I have this surgery I should get a course of antibiotics prescribed, and start taking them a couple of days before the operation, to reduce the infection. So I did.

On Tuesday morning I arrived, having taken the precaution of eating half my lunch as well as my breakfast - very wise of me in hindsight - , to find the surgery in some disarray. The periodentist only spends a few days a month there, and he was in a different room from usual. Additionally, the nurse was from an agency and also unfamiliar with the room. They found most things they needed, and were ready for me only 15 minutes late.

First off, the injection. (I did warn you about the i-words!) Anaesthetic technology has come very far since my childhood days - I remember being given the injection then left with a magazine for five minutes while it took effect. Now it works almost as quickly as a general anaesthetic. If they'd asked me to count, it would have been like this: "One, two, three, four, fuv, ficth, feven..." The actual injection still bloody hurt though. The numbness was much more entire than I have been used to. The dentist prodded my gum and asked if it hurt - "Can't feeuw a fing!" I said gaily, then realised he'd been using a pointy thing for the prodding, not his finger!

Then he went in. The agitation I had built up in the waiting room was largely dissipated, until I realised he was going in with a scalpel. So I closed my right eye to block it out of my peripheral vision. Then the nurse went in, with a friendly blunt plastic suction tube, and a sharp pointy thing! So I closed my left eye too. It was odd, lying there blindly, feeling my head being tugged and prodded. I imagined hamsters skipping about to distract myself. It did come as a surprise then when there was a soft thump! and I was sprayed in the face with warm saline - the tube had come out of the irrigation bottle. Pause while they fail to fix the seal and instead put a towel on the floor to soak up the dripping. I've never been water-bombed at the dentist's before...

Back in again. There is drilling (I try not to think of drilling through bone), and scraping, then gouging. And pain. Eeyouch! "There's a big infection here," says the dentist, "I have to clear it out but the anaesthetic works better on healthy tissue so I'm afraid there will be some pain." Darn biochemistry! That was a horrible minute of gouging and pain. It was not too bad though, as the pain only happened when he was actually scraping; as soon as he stopped each scrape, the pain stopped too. Much easier to deal with. I almost went into shock once after some fast and rough dental treatment, so I try very hard to remain calm. Argh! Okay now. Argh! again. Okay now, argh was in the past and is not happening now. Argh! again - but isn't it great how it will stop completely soon? Yes! It has. Argh! (repeat as necessary)

Fill, fill, fill, stitch... I've never had stitches before. I kept my eyes tightly closed while he sewed up my gum, imagining hamsters in that happy place. I found it hard to maintain the illusion - the general poking in the mouth area was okay, but my brain was unable to interpret poking + feeling of fine thread sweeping across my face as anything other than what it actually was. He's sewing me! Squick! Mentally christening him "my Igor" helped a lot, here.

This was the only time during the process that he used my chest as a tray. That so pisses me off. Judging by the short time it was done for, I assume the convenience to him in that procedure was so great it outweighed the "I shouldn't do this, it's lazy"ness. I would have said something, but I had a mouthful of thread at the time...

All done! Open the eyes, take off the safety goggles. "I'll just wipe this blood off your face," says the nurse, "you wouldn't want to scare people when you go outside!"
"That was a huge infection!" says my Igor the dentist, with childlike glee. Rolls his finger and thumb into a lump an inch and a half long. "This big! Do you want to see it?"
Squick! "No thank you! I'd like to stay in denial if I possibly can."
"Oh." Looks disappointed. "You'd be surprised how many people do."

Get the post-op instructions explained to me. Lots of hot salt mouthwashes for the next two weeks (yuck), and soft food for a while. Oh that will be such fun at Red Wine evening when I'm doing the catering and won't be able to eat much. Bah! He asked if I was allergic to penicillin; I said no, and that I was currently on a course of Amoxicillin. "What's that for?" he said, looking worried.
"Oh, this." I replied. "You said I should start a course a couple of days before treatment."
"Yes - that was supposed to reduce the infection, but it doesn't look like it helped."

The stitches should dissolve in a couple of weeks, I do look rather like I've been cut open with a scalpel and sewn together again, but the bleeding has stopped after a night's sleep.

For now, I am off to eat some porridge for breakfast. I don't relish crunchy Bran Flakes just yet.