A Bug's Life

A few years ago I was at a science fiction convention, chatting to people in the bar, and as the evening wore on I found I was in a great conversation with five of the most awesome, interesting, witty, clever women at the con! There were laughs, there was insight, it was amazing. I was obviously outclassed by these fabulous women, was grateful that they seemed to tolerate me hanging on, and glad that they liked it when I tried to contribute, even though I was the rubbish one and not really good enough for their company.

And time passed, and we kept talking, and it was gone midnight, and it was getting later, and one of us (it might have been me) said they knew it was time to go to bed, but they didn't want to leave this conversation, as they were astounded that such cool people would hang out with them. And everyone around the table agreed, but in their minds each of them had been the less cool person who was thrilled to be hanging out as equals with the awesome people. What, you too? But you're the cool one! No, you're the cool one!


I don't know what makes it such an attractive brain-trap, to think that someone is more important that you and won't want to talk to you, it's not exactly imposter syndrome, (it's maybe a fear of disturbing someone you respect? the awkwardness of making first contact even when it's someone you know?), but in a heck of a lot of cases if you're thinking it about them, it turns out they're thinking it about you.

(Also I don't want to be the cool person, I want to be the friendly approachable person)

"Do you have any new goals?" asked the physio/strength trainer.

I think being able to lift Big Hamster tank for ease of emptying and washing out would be a good one. It is a bit too big and heavy and awkward.

Later I can think about entering an Iron Pet Owner competition of some sort. Carry 40kg of cat litter home from the pet store! Lift your dog down from the top of the wardrobe (how did he get there?)! Sprint to beat the escaped hamster to the door! Speed cat-boxing!

EDIT: Have filled Small Hamster foodbowl for long weekend with seed approx 3xvolume of hamster. Am watching him try to fit it all in his cheeks.

2nd EDIT: Wow, I can lift it! Now I just need to grow a third arm to come out from around my knee, to reach in and help sweep the bedding out when it doesn't tip smoothly.

The festival brochure came out on Friday (downloadable pdf is available from this page) and I have made my first stab at a schedule. There are forty things, clash-free as long as nothing starts late, and I can wiggle a bit, but I usually end up seeing about 25 over the 10.5 days as sometimes on the day sleep or a meal seem more necessary or I do some reviewing or interview transcribing...

This year I'm looking forward to the special streams of Gerhard Lamprecht and retro 3D, and the Catalan stream.

( cut list of 40 films )

I'm missing a couple of things I'd like to see due to clashes, and I may go back later and put asterisks by the films I'm most keen to see.

Books read (11 so far)
None. Started but have not yet finished Tristram Shandy and Ancillary Justice and The Sweetheart Season.

Films watched (78-89) (2 at the cinema, 5 DVD, 5 tv)
Strange Days
Zoolander (rewatch)
A Story of Children and Film
How to Train Your Dragon
Boyhood
The Rum Diary
The Woman in Black
Fast Girls
Resident Evil: Apocalypse
Dazed and Confused
21 Jump Street
Only Lovers Left Alive

Gigs, comedy, clubs etc (25-27)
Slow Club (gig, Portland Arms, Cambridge) + Fred's House support
Once (musical, Phoenix theatre, London)
Medea (Olivier Theatre, London)

Best film by far was Boyhood. Medea was powerful and stimulated lots of post-theatre conversation despite being over 2000 years old.

Books read (11 so far)
None. Started but have not yet finished Tristram Shandy and Ancillary Justice.

Films watched (69-77) (0 at the cinema, 8 DVD, 1 tv)
Rush
The Impostor
Moonrise Kingdom
The Act of Killing
Safety Not Guaranteed
Laughter in Paradise
Resident Evil
The Green Mile
Mystic River

Gigs, comedy, clubs etc (24-24)
Rachel Parris: Live in Vegas (comedy, London)

Not a lot in June, hurt back reduced the number of trips out.

Good but difficult: The Act of Killing, The Impostor, Mystic River

Books read (10-11)
Alif the Unseen, G. Willow Wilson (2012)
We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves, Karen Joy Fowler (2013)

Films watched (50-68) (3 at the cinema, 13 DVD, 3 tv)
Frozen
Sci Fi Shorts 1 (Sci Fi Film Fest)
LFO (Sci Fi Film Fest) (Low Frequency Oscillation)
The Hunger Games
Frank
Cosmopolis
Fantastic Mr Fox
A Serious Man
The Sting
Once Upon a Time in the West (rewatch)
Raging Bull
Shaun of the Dead (rewatch)
Hot Fuzz (rewatch)
The World's End (rewatch)
Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
Never Let Me Go
Limitless
Rushmore
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

Gigs, comedy, clubs etc (21-23)
The Fall (gig, Cambridge)
Slow Club (gig, London)
White Hinterland (gig, London)

Books: were both read on holiday for Book Club. We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves was fab and I am looking forward to talking about it. I made a start on Tristram Shandy and Ancillary Justice but find them both a bit slow (also I'm not on holiday any more and have other things to do).

Films: awesome month, first viewing of some classics, got to the Sci Fi Film Fest, rewatched a load of Edgar Wright films with my newly tuned eye for cinematography (here's a great video showing how he makes good comedy from framing), even the films I didn't like I got plenty of good discussion from. The least enthusiastic thing I have to say is that I think Never Let Me Go worked better in the book than the film. Lemony Snicket was the film it most surprised me to enjoy, it's a lovely dark gothic children's adventure.

Gigs: Three very different! The Fall were as good as usual, but as I've seen them a few times now it didn't feel like much new though I liked their new songs. Slow Club and White Hinterland are I think on their third albums now - give them a try if you haven't already! Slow Club have moved up a notch, from indie-folkie to wow, proper songs, not that their previous songs weren't proper (check out "Two Cousins" and stuff) (this is why I don't do music reviews) but their new stuff is kind of properer. White Hinterland was playing solo, amazing gig in a tiny venue, keyboard, drum machine and voice, singing and making her own loops as she went along to build up layers of sound.

I missed King Lear and Lip Service in the theatre due to dodgy back, which is a shame. Have a few more things coming up to look forward to though not for a month. Must look up what's on locally. I'd like to see Strawberry Shorts on June 6th if the back permits.

Regarding yesterday's post, did I ever tell you about the new hamster? Revel passed away last summer, leaving just Humphrey the small hamster (Roborovski), and maybe sometime around Christmas Ozy bought me a new hamster as a replacement, and food and everything. She is a Syrian hamster so much bigger than Humphrey, black and white with a saddle like a Friesian cow, still not at all friendly and likes to stand rock still when I'm there as I'm a scary predator, and her name is... her name is... I've forgotten. I am a bad bad person. I came here to look it up but I paged back to Revel entries and I seem not to have mentioned her.

What is her name?
What should her name be?
Am I a bad person?

EDIT: It is Matilda. Odd name for a hamster which might be why I forgot it. Your suggestions were better :-)

About this high:

Really quite belated.

Books read (9 so far)
None. Not a one. Spent more time doing online study than reading.

Films watched (36-49) (10 at the cinema, 2 DVD, 1 video, 1 stream)
Push
Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier (rewatch)
5x2
Hairspray (John Waters version) (rewatch)
Noah
The Double
Upstream Color (rewatch)
Batman Begins (rewatch)
The Dark Knight (rewatch)
The Dark Knight Rises (rewatch)
The Secret of Kells
Muppets Most Wanted
Locke
It Is Fine! Everything Is Fine. plus reading and talk by Crispin Glover

Gigs, comedy, clubs etc (15-20)
Megson (gig, Royston)
Austentatious (improv, Cambridge)
Perception (exhibition, Science Centre, Cambridge)
Downing, Christ's, Emmanuel, Darwin (visit four Cambridge colleges)
Kim and Lee (gig, Histon)
Creative Cabaret (cabaret, Cambridge)

Locke was a film where most people I spoke to who had seen it had got different things or interpretations from it. A surprising amount of post-film discussion for something that seemed so straightforward (a man leaves his job, gets in his car, and drives for 85 minutes. The reasons unfold in a series of phone conversations with his family and colleagues. Tom Hardy is the only actor we see; all others are voices)

The Batman trilogy was shown at the cinema in London; 8.5 hours to sit through all of them (with short breaks). Worth it to see the things that were set up near the beginning of the first pay off in the third (long after my memory had forgotten them from watching the films years apart). Lots of discussion (and arguing) of the themes of the three films, how they were different and which themes echoed right the way through all three films and several characters.

I started noting down where I've eaten out this year, as well as books and gigs and films and stuff. This has the side effect of being a log of how many times they fail to follow through on a proclaimed understanding that I cannot eat gluten or dairy.

So far this year: 15 meals out, -1 creamy risotto, -1 salad with croutons, -1 sorbet on a bed of biscuit crumbs, -1 stealth ingredient (the other three I detected in time to not eat them) = 27% failure rate which is pretty fucking appalling.

I feel bad about making such a fuss every time I eat out, peering suspiciously and double checking everything instead of trusting them to have given me safe food, but with a hit rate like that I'm not going to stop any time soon.

NB Not currently broken from food, despite the userpic, and I have a lovely dairy free Easter egg to look forward to :-)